My body is rebelling against me. I am wiped out. My mind wants to do the usual things, including going for a run, but my body is out of gas, weak, exhausted, on empty.  I ran Sunday and I was so tired I could barely talk. I ran yesterday and my pace was a full minute slower than normal and I was so weak afterwards.  It sucks so bad. I have so many goals and dreams and I’ve done so many amazing things, but the more and more frequent after-effect is extreme exhaustion. The last accomplishment was hiking and climbing in Colorado.  I would not give up that experience to avoid the way I feel. I just need to work on my methods.

Pretty sure I have an autoimmune condition, but nothing has been confirmed. It doesn’t really matter because I know the cure is to go on a very strict diet and make lifestyle changes. I gave up gluten years ago but it’s not always enough. I need to give up coffee again. I used to never drink it because I could tell it was affecting me badly, but I found a light roast that I thought I could tolerate. Maybe not? Also need to up the vegetable intake and continue on this no sugar diet that I’ve been on for 6 days now.

This feeling is like being awake mentally but your body is still asleep. I went to bed last night at 9:30 , although I was read to lie down at 8:00. I got up at 7:25, when the sun lit up the space under my bedroom door. I still feel like I need to lie down. But I’m sitting on the deck with my computer and my daughter watching the birds and writing this. I saw a beautiful Bluebird. The temperature is pretty nice for now, 82 with a slight breeze. It will be 96 by noon.  Lots of birds coming for breakfast at the feeders. The bully Cardinals try to run off the little birds, but there are three little ones on the feeder together. I’m going to have to refill it soon!

It’s hard not to get discouraged over these setbacks. I was doing pretty good! I cut way back on my mileage and I’ve been sleeping a lot , but I think the one thing I cannot reduce in my life is stress. I’ve written about that before here. Feeling Caged. Going to Colorado was fantastic! But I had to work very hard to make it happen. And even while I was there , I had to deal with stress via text messages. And my brain wanted to process the stress even when I tried to ignore it. My body knew.

When you have been co-dependent all your life, you can’t just shut down thoughts and feelings caused by other people who are part of your life. You can try, but you still know that you will eventually have to deal with it. It’s a decision I’ve made to keep on at this even though it exhausts me mentally and physically.  I’m in it for better or for worse. I chose this life and I can’t walk away from it. But in the meantime, I have to find ways to cope better so I can still accomplish my dreams and goals.

What dreams and goals? I want to climb more mountains. I want to actually summit Mt. Massive. I want to overcome my fear of hiking on ridges. I want to run the Leadville 100 race. In the near future I have a tough 25k trail race, crewing and pacing a 223 mile race with a friend, and  a 55 hour race that I hope to get at least 100 miles and improve my time over last year. I can’t do these unless I give up sugar, excess caffeine, cope with stress better, and heal my gut.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still thankful for everything God has given me and helped me accomplish and I have hope. I just hate this feeling of being held back by my own body.  I know there are literally millions of women like me who suffer from this condition of hypothyroid and adrenal fatigue brought on by stress and autoimmune. Here’s to you, fellow warriors! Never give up! Here’s a website that encouraged me today. https://unboundwellness.com/ And remember, all my fellow anxiety sufferers, anxiety usually has physical causes as well as emotional. Be courageous about finding answers. Peace.

How about you? Have you struggled with an autoimmune condition ? Do you have excess stress you can’t control? Do you have hopes and dreams that seem hard to attain ?