Very few people will get through modern life without experiencing some kind of mental health problem. And thanks to cultural changes bringing more awareness to mental health, and laws requiring health insurance policies to cover treatment, more people are seeking help when they have trouble coping with the problems of life.

Unfortunately, seeking help doesn’t always mean getting help. There are several reasons why that can happen. In some cases it could be due to wrong expectations for how therapy works and your role in the process. But sometimes it is a spiritual issue or a problem with the therapy itself.

10 Reasons your therapy is not working well

1. Expecting the therapist to do all the work. Therapy is more about you working through your problems with a guide than it is about them fixing your problems. You must be ready to discuss and work through your painful memories and recognize the coping mechanisms that are interfering with healthy functioning. Therapy only works if you work it. And number one in this category is being willing to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and forgive those who hurt us so we can heal.
2. Expecting the therapist to simply listen as you ruminate or rant or blame others for your problems. While a little bit of this is okay, you must be ready to move past these unhelpful behaviors that keep you stuck and miserable. That means you must cooperate with the therapist when she asks you specific questions and answer honestly, even it’s difficult, embarrassing, or painful. Don’t lie about your feelings or hide the problems that you need help with. But don’t get expect a weekly venting session to change anything, either. There is such a thing as being too focused on our emotions.
3. Expecting to get better too quickly. Unless you are getting help for a very specific issue and have no long-term emotional issues, you should expect to be in counseling for at least six months, but it could be much longer. If you felt bad enough to ask for help, give the process a chance before you give up. It takes time for the counselor to uncover what is really bothering you and time for you to trust them. Then you need time to develop a plan to help you learn new thoughts and behaviors, and possibly time to change your diet or take a medication if necessary. Change and healing takes time.
4. Neglecting to address your physical or spiritual health. Humans are not talking computers or just a bag of bones , we have a body, mind and a spirit. Our bodies need appropriate nutrition, sleep, sunlight, and exercise, and without these our brains do not function properly. While definitions may differ, in general our minds are our thoughts and personalities and our spirits are the part of us that will live forever after our bodies die. God is a spirit and He created us with a spirit and we are not truly alive unless we are spiritually connected to Him by faith in Jesus Christ. If we ignore our spirits, we will never be truly whole. Because of this, what we believe about God and the afterlife are very important.
5. Failing to seek God when we have problems. Mental illness have many causes, including genetic and physical causes such as nutritional deficiencies, but living a life without a right relationship with God can also cause anxiety, depression, fear, shame, anger, and meaninglessness. While sin may not be what sends you to a therapist, and you may need professional guidance or medication to help you deal with specific problems, asking God for help during therapy is always a good idea.
6. Focusing too much on the past and not enough on present solutions. Depression, anxiety, and trauma reactions can cause us to withdraw from other people, become isolated, seek escape in mind-numbing activities such as video games or scrolling our phones, or lead to addictions such as over-eating, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, etc. Therapy should always include helping you develop healthy ways of dealing with your emotions with the goal of being able to re-enter the world with confidence. But this requires a willingness to face fears and follow the treatment plan.
7. Difficulty letting go of being a victim. We can get stuck in a rut when we are unhappy for a long time. We can start to think of ourselves in negative terms and believe that we can never change. In order to move on to a new and better life, you have to be ready to stop identifying yourself as broken and start living again. That means you must keep working on yourself even if it’s difficult. This is why having a supportive therapist is important. They can give you encouragement and support and praise when you work hard at getting better. You can do it!
8. Your therapist is not a good fit for you. Sometimes this happens and if it does, don’t hesitate to find a different one. If you aren’t seeing any improvement, and you are honestly working hard at therapy, going to your appointments, and taking your meds as prescribed, you may need a different type of therapy, medication, or a different therapist. To avoid this, be sure to make an appointment to interview the therapist before you commit yourself to therapy. Also read their bio and reviews online.
9. Relying too much on medication and not doing the emotional work. Deciding whether or not to take medication is a personal decision because all psych meds have some risks of side effects. For some people it is the only way they can be free from intrusive thoughts or be able to function normally. For others the side effects cause more problems. But many people expect medication to fix problems that are actually emotional rather than physical. In either case, it’s important to uncover and eliminate irrational beliefs, addictions, or self-destructive behaviors that can develop as coping mechanisms. Learning to accept what is real and true will go a long way towards feeling more confident and at peace.
10. Using the wrong type of therapy. There are several different types of therapy models, each with its own theoretical foundation and techniques. Different therapy models are used to address various psychological, emotional, and behavioral issues. Here are some of the most well-known therapy models:
    • Mindfulness-Based Therapies: Mindfulness-based therapies, like Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), incorporate mindfulness and meditation practices to help individuals manage stress and improve well-being.
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance strategies. It was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder and is effective for managing intense emotions and improving interpersonal relationships.
    • Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to emotional distress. It is often used for anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders.
    • Trauma-Focused Therapy: Therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) are designed to help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences.

These are just a few examples of the many therapy models available. The choice of therapy model depends on the individual’s needs, preferences, and the specific issues being addressed. Therapists often integrate elements from multiple models to tailor their approach to each client’s unique situation. Right now EMDR and CBT are used by many therapists. Just because a therapy method is the most current one doesn’t mean it will be effective for you. And a Christian counselor is your best bet if you want a Christian perspective.

Your life is worth living. God created you for a purpose and He cares about you. He wants you to put your faith in his son Jesus and to trust Him with your life. But even Christians can have emotional problems. Getting help and learning how to handle emotions, deal with past emotional baggage or trauma, or practice techniques to function better can free you to live without fear, shame, or insecurity. Don’t be afraid to start the process. Keep these tips in mind, and best wishes to you!