I think I’m getting an ulcer . This Christmas season has been excruciating for me. I’ve been fighting tears on the daily . It’s hard to accept that I have no ability to create “happiness” in my family’s lives. I’ve been working on that all year. But having a Christmas without my kids is just freaking hard! And it’s not just their presence, it’s that I miss actually having a relationship with them. My heart is really sad.
But God doesn’t want me to base my joy principally on my family . I need to reorient my focus, again. I have to let go of the dreams I had for them and trust that God has His own plans to use them for His glory . I must be patient as He sanctifies them. I did the best I could at the time. It’s out of my hands now. They are adults.
Letting go sucks. I’ll probably delete this.