Ever have the sudden disappointment in yourself that comes when you realize you just failed again to recognize a trap, got triggered by it and defaulted to old patterns of reacting that you thought you had overcome? Ugh. You’re not alone. Thankfully God is full of mercy and grace for his children and He knows we are weak.

Life is going to present these unexpected challenges that test our “faith reflex”. Will we respond like Christ or out of our own need to be in control; speak words of truth or try to “fix” things by people pleasing ; pray for help immediately or only later when we remember that we are not God? Sometimes we do better than others.

This is why it’s so critical for us (me) to be aware of our past responses to situations that make us feel out of control or angry or scared . We have to be on guard against our old habits and triggers and sometimes, certain people in our lives, that we know can easily make us forget our ultimate goal is not to keep the peace or make people happy but to show them Christ. Their immediate needs can seem overwhelmingly urgent, but not hindering their eternal salvation is even more critical.

If you grew up in a codependent family or you’re an anxious person or people pleaser, you may struggle to let go of the old habit of trying to avoid or end conflicts. So it’s even more important for you than other Christians to stay self aware when a crisis or conflict steps into your life, as it often will when you are not expecting it.

Be prepared by planning ahead. Think about what you will do when people ask you to do or say the things you used to do to make them happy. Remember that enabling bad or irresponsible or selfish behavior is not love, and you are not helping them by preventing them from feeling the need for God. People will try to manipulate you and make you feel guilty when you are trying to obey God by submitting to His will . You need to have your priorities straight. It’s more important to obey God than to keep the peace.

It can be so painful to see people you care about suffer the consequences of their actions or lack of action , but sometimes it truly is the only way they will cry out to God. Don’t get in the way by rescuing them. You’ll only regret it later when they don’t learn.

Sometimes our loved ones suffer due to no fault of their own. In that case we still have to be careful how we react. Pray before speaking or doing anything!

Becoming more Christ like and growing in faith doesn’t usually happen quickly. This is why we need to lean on prayer, scripture and other Christians to hold us accountable. Otherwise it’s easy to fall into traps and have no way out but our own weak justification. We can fall into self doubt and self loathing when we fail if we forget that God is Good all the time! He doesn’t condemn us when we come to him in humble need of help, admitting our failure.

God loves you and me. He is with us, but we have to beware old habits and triggers so we can grow and serve and love Him with freedom and peace. The only way to do that is by trusting God is good and in control of the situation. So keep giving up your own false sense of control and security and attempts to be God. Surrender fully even when your heart hurts for your loved ones. It’s the only way.