We take breathing for granted most of the time. Normally we don’t have to concentrate or work at it. Our bodies know what to do. Until something interferes with the natural state of things.

Lately I’ve had a few incidents where I have been talking and I ran out of air. I knew I was having a lot of anxiety but I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me physically. Then I figured out that the reason I keep getting light-headed is because my entire upper torso , including my shoulders, neck, chest and diaphragm is tensed up.

It felt like I was holding my breath. I tried to be more aware of my breathing. I kept trying to relax my stomach muscles but it’s actually my diaphragm, the muscle that you use for breathing. It’s basically feels like it’s stuck on contract. And I think it started with tension in my neck and shoulders . I also have shoulder and back pain. I think it’s probably a nerve issue and I need a good massage!

That tension is partially due to Grace’s breathing problems. It started with pneumonia. We kept hoping she’d get off the ventilator. She failed her extubation on Tuesday. She had trache surgery Wednesday evening. She was doing pretty good, but yesterday she couldn’t get enough air. Her monitor went crazy. My husband was with her when the room filled up with medical personnel.

They tried everything to find the problem including bronchoscope and X-ray and they finally noticed that there’s a flap of skin, granulation tissue, in her trachea that was blocking her airway. So they were able to temporarily fix the problem by using a longer trache to hold the flap open. We aren’t 100% sure what the final plan will be . They are having to search for the proper size trache because she is small for her age and needs one between the size for a child and an adult. I think it was pretty intense. I’m glad I wasn’t here.

I was at work where I was trying to remember to breathe. I noticed that when I’m talking to a client and working on the computer I am breathing shallowly. But now that I’m aware that it’s related to muscle tension, I’m going to work on doing more stretching and having good posture. The iPhone hunch is not helping!

That’s my update!