Reader request Friday

For 007 at I asked my son about the first birthday he ever planned and he laughed and said, “none , well maybe this one. ” We were sitting at the table eating pieces of a giant cake that his girlfriend had made for him. It was last Friday and he had called me on Tuesday to say he was coming home for his birthday. He brought his musical equipment and computer and his desire was for all the musicians in the family to make a birthday song together. That didn’t actually come together but good times were had.

For Rakellewrites : Yes, 27 years is a lot of time spent with another human being and many compromises have been made on both sides to keep this ship afloat! While it’s easy for me to think of a long list of things I’ve given up for him, I must admit that he has an equally long list. Both of us are pretty easy-going , as long as we get our way. But , that only works if you both want the same thing! So over the years we’ve had to let go of some things. I think maybe he was the more generous one in the past and maybe I’m paying that back now . But who’s keeping track? Wink wink! One biggie for him was that in order to keep the growing family fed and bills paid he has had to sell some of his toys, as in cars, motorcycles, and other wheeled objects . Not always without some resentment and unhappiness, but we got past it. Another one is he’s been very flexible with me as far as giving me a lot of freedom, as long as all my work is done. In my case, I’ve had to learn to be patient when I want to go and do things and we just can’t afford it. In the past I’ve found ways to make travel and races happen , but it’s getting harder and harder . I have a strong belief in God and I rely on the Bible as my standard of right and wrong, therefore, even in some very trying periods of marriage, I have not felt that quitting was an option . I believe that Satan is real and he wants to destroy relationships. When things get rough , I pray harder! I also avoid people, authors, and other media that do not value the marriage vow. I know how easy it is to get sucked into that way of thinking. I think my husband and I are a good match and we usually enjoy the same things , but not always. And that’s okay. We are both independent and opinionated as well. We don’t always agree on politics but we agree on values and religion. Somehow it has worked for 27 years. When I hear that a couple is struggling, I try to encourage them to 1)remember their spouses good points and 2)remember their own faults. No one is perfect. I’ll finish with an example from real life. The weather is perfect today and I really wanted to go hiking . But I discovered my husband had other plans . Since I’m going trail running tomorrow, I opted to not push for the hike, even though he was willing to try to fit in both activities. There was not enough time in my opinion for both. I’m sorry to miss a day hiking in fall weather, but I had to be honest that I would do better to stay home and do chores. So I guess I’ve gotten better at not getting my way. I want to give God the credit for helping me mature and not be so selfish and stubborn. I have prayed specifically that he would make me a better wife and mother and I trust that he is at work .


  1. The memories that are made in failed attempts sometimes are cherished more than others. Hats off to you PK, love is the hardest aspect of life, since love requires understanding and compromise from time to time. Ive been married for over 15 years now and there are plenty of ups and downs. But like you said we all have our faults and sometimes we just don’t listen. Awesome post PK.

      • I know what I write is not palatable for all.

        I wrote about love in January of this year, if you get the chance, I would greatly appreciate it.

        I wrote about gratitude in May.

        From where I am, I think I write about love all the time. Accepting people for who they are. I may not be as eloquent as others though. The love I know is the love of others. My brothers and I borne in combat, firefights, IED blasts and having bombs lobbed at us. The love we had and have for each other has been tested by enemy fire and by arguments amongst each other.

        The love I know is my wife standing by my side while I spent a third of our marriage overseas, never complaining and never telling me how hard it was for her to be by herself and never knowing if I would survive.

        The love I know is how my parents never whined or complained to me as a child, never telling me about their hardships.

        The love I know is what brings results.

        Love for me isn’t a fairytale. It isn’t what is proclaimed in song, entertainment or what love has been twisted into today.

        The love I know teaches me to accept others as they are, as I want to be accepted.

        Love is the absolute hardest aspect. That is why Jesus and God was the only to ever actually practice true love. Their love was so strong they gave us the free will to either accept them or turn away from them. God loves us so much, he gives us the choice.

        I want to love everyone, yet I must be open and honest. It’s easy to be turned off by my thoughts and how I express myself.

        But it is by the grace of God alone that we are saved.

        We all bring something different we all feel and think differently. If we all were the same, we would never learn, like an echo chamber, repeating. Instead I want to challenge, and learn.

        I want to be challenged on my ideas. Thoughtful, open and honest discussion.

        I never underestimate the fact that I could be completely wrong, but if I remain silent or don’t ask questions or don’t challenge others on their opinions. I will never know and I will simply fall in line, afraid to question and afraid to challenge.

        Iron sharpens iron, if there is ever a chance to re-introduce another to God, I want to be able to be as good as I ever could.

        More often than not, we are speaking of the same things, just from different angles.

      • Those are interesting ideas about what love is. It sounds like you want to be accepted. The Bible doesn’t exactly teach that love is accepting others. And I don’t find the words ‘free will’ anywhere in the Bible, either. 🙂 Our will is constrained by the sovereign will of God over all creation. As for love, I consider it an active choice to love others and shown by actions, not just feelings or thoughts. It’s how we treat and live with others. I think you would agree? And with that in mind, we love the sinner, but don’t grant acceptance of the sin. If God says it’s wrong, we are not to say it’s okay. What do you think? Is God sovereign?

      • Who am I to judge the sin when I have sinned and will continue to sin the rest of my life? All I can do is be forthright with who I am and that I am willing to help. I may seem abrasive, but i must be true and honest with myself if I am to be true and honest with others.

        Jesus gained followers through his actions, not his words. If free will was not present why did Adam and Eve eat the fruit after God had commanded them not to?

        God, Jesus the Holy Spirit. All one and sovereign.

        If we did not possess free will, then what is the point of satan?

        Maybe i do seek acceptance, then again maybe I believe the best way to reach others is to be honest with my intentions and simply reach out to them. This might not be a preferred method. But I have found that it leads to more discussion about faith than simply preaching and judging.

      • Adam and Eve did have free will. Satan is the one who tempted Eve who sadly was the weak link. And I wasn’t suggesting you judge people. There is a difference between judging and let’s say applauding the sins of others. Everyone wants acceptance. 🙂 And it does need to be part of every relationship. I think I’m not explaining myself well. If you knew me in person, you’d know that I love people very much. But I am passionate about truth. Aren’t you?

      • That’s the problem with email and other forms of correspondence. The inflection of the voice and facial and body language is lacking.

        I might not be saying what I’m trying to say exactly right.

        I’m not applauding the sin, I’m just saying that I’m no better than anyone else.

        The truth is important to me, but I think we all come to the truth in our own ways.

      • Don’t take this the wrong way, but you remind me of a friend of mine from work. He is a Jehovahs Witness. We discuss faith from time to time.

        I don’t always agree with him and he doesn’t always agree with me. He has approached me about looking into becoming a JW. I told him that I could not, since there are some practices that I do not agree with.

        It doesn’t stop our relationship or our conversations.

      • Lol! Well JWs do tend to be pretty passionate about their beliefs. Sadly most cults are better at evangelizing than Christian churches.

      • Hahahahaha, oh man, I can’t wait to tell him that. I love giving him a hard time.

        That’s the difference though, it’s not about being super appealing, it’s about freeing the soul and open the mind and the eyes to Christ.

      • False religions always involve works to prove your worthiness to God, which is impossible. True, Biblical , unaltered Christian faith is different than all other religions in this way.

      • I was raised Born Again Christian, I still hold this faith. Then I left for the Army. After multiple deployments it became apparent to me of God’s existence and his power.

        I believed in God growing up, but more or less because I couldn’t fathom anything else. My belief was based on nothing really.

        I’ve been in a lot of bad places and very dangerous situations. This is what opened my eyes and my mind but ultimately my heart to God. I’m still in one piece. No matter the level of training, nothing will stop a bullet or a bomb in the moment. God protected me, even though I am not worth his love or attention.

        I came to truly believe through my own experiences.

        I acknowledge, I am nobody, I am inconsequential. Yet, God was there for me.

        I am not worth his time, his love or protection. I am a sinner a liar a cheater a thief and so on and so on. I will be a sinner until my demise. Yet, simply through the grace of God, I will be saved. My sin was paid for by Jesus, his son.

        You probably know much more than me when it comes to the Bible, theology and everything else.

        Like Popeye said “I am who I am”. And that’s all I am.

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