Getting real. This summer has been rough. And I don’t mean little stuff like extreme heat , drought, my chickens getting killed (again) or my phone being broken (which it is). I mean the heartbreak of death and disease and pain.

I know so many people who have lost loved ones, people going through such heart-wrenching pain, children and husbands dying in car accidents, cancer taking the lives of two sisters, people losing their health and ability to care for themselves. So many of my friends have lost close family members to cancer since the pandemic. I know that is no coincidence and it just makes me feel worse.

I will be thankful that, for now, I am not planning any funerals. I try not to live in anticipation of that same pain, because eventually it will come. The waiting is the hard part. My heart breaks for people I love who are suffering. I can’t fix things for them. I can only trust the Lord, which is way better, but it’s still hard. I have to be patient, which isn’t my strong suit.

God has been leading me through so many difficult days, I couldn’t survive without knowing that he is there, and yet I won’t lie and claim to be joyful. I trust him even though I don’t want to suffer this heart pain.

I steel myself instead of crying. I build walls instead of reaching out. I busy my thoughts with things that can’t hurt me. And I pray. I pray that God will forgive me for being weak and that he will help me trust him more.

When I look at him, I start to see things more clearly. God is working and drawing people to himself every day. He is not on vacation. He will work all things for good for those who are called according to his purposes.

Our salvation is more important than our physical or emotional comfort. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. He will never leave us or forsake us. His rod and staff comfort his children in the valley. He cares for us. He is our good Father.

God’s ways are higher than my ways and his will is always best even when I don’t see it. I know he is working out his plan and that is what I want, but that doesn’t make it easy to watch people suffer. I am ready for the storms of life to ease up. But until then, Christ is my anchor and I will trust him.

My most urgent prayer is that the people I love will be saved before it’s too late. Jesus came to save the world from the judgment! God loves you! Will you trust him today?

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.